I just can't fight this feeling anymore
by livin it loud and proud
Summary: Carter comes back from Africa with Malaria.  will he make it up with Abby?
1. Chapter 1

"Abby?" yelled Kerry, as she started walking the hall. "i need you, Susan and Jing-Mei to go up to the roof. Helicopter's bringing in Carter"

Abby nodded. "What about Luka?"

"I've not heard about him yet. Hurry up!"

Abby ran to the elevator, meeting Susan and Jing-Mei there. They took the elevator up to the roof. But, before they went out, Susan turned to Abby.

"Brace yourself Abby. It sounds to me as if Carter's in a pretty bad way. Just remember to focus."

Abby nodded. Susan gave her a pat on the shoulder, and they all ran to meet the helicopter.

"What have you got?" Susan asked the flight nurse. She already knew what it was, but she had to ask in case he had decompensated on route.

"John Carter. 32 years old. Suffering from Malaria" she informed Susan as she handed her the chart.

The helicopter took off again, and Abby, Jing-Mei and Susan were left with Carter. They wheeled him into the elevator.

_Jesus, he looks like hell_, Abby thought as she looked down at John. His eyes were shut, and he was profusely sweating. He also kept muttering something in his sleep. She put her ear close to his mouth, but couldn't quite understand what he was saying.

All too soon, they arrived at their destination. They had been given strict instructions to admit Carter to medicine, and not leave until he had been properly examined. He was given an IV and some medicine to help keep his fever down. Abby noticed just how batter and bruised he was looking. She was even more shocked when they removed his clothes, only to find millions of little bites all over his body.

"Mosquito bites" said Susan sadly.

The three girls walked away. Abby was horrified. It had been a wonder he hadn't died out there. She had never wanted him to go in the first pace, but would he listen? No, he was too distraught over his grandmother to care. She mentally kicked herself for not being there.

"Miss Lockhart?" said a young doctor coming out of Carter's room. "Excuse me, but Dr Carter wants to see you."

Abby froze for a second. _Oh God, he wants to break up with me. Well, better get it over with._

Abby sauntered into the room. She was surprised to see Carter sitting up in bed, reading a book.

"Hi" he said in a weak voice.

Abby opened her mouth to say something.

"Before you say anything" said Carter "I just need to tell you that I am so sorry for going to Africa, and leaving you...I-I still love you, Abby."


	2. Chapter 2

"What?" Said Abby astonished. What was going on here? He had left. Why would he go if he still loved her?

"I still love you, Abby" repeated Carter "and I think, in time, you'll realise that you still love me"

Abby sat down on the seat next to his bed. She tapped her foot for a few minutes, and then said "I never stopped loving you, John. But when you left, you really hurt me – and I'm gonna need some time."

Carter just smiled that enigmatic smile of his. He took both Abby's hands in his and said "That's fine, Abby. Take all the time you need. I know I hurt you. I am so very sorry for that. I am sorry that I didn't come when you called. But I will try my best to make it up to you."

Abby just sat in silence for a few minutes, and then said. "Where's Luka?"

John looked up guiltily. "He...um...He decided to stay there for a while – in the Congo."

Abby just looked at him incuriously. "Well...I hope to God he knows what he's doing." She was about to add "You certainly didn't", but thought better of it.

"Yeah, I hope so" Said John, looking at her with sunken eyes.

"Well, I'll let you get your rest. I'll let Weaver know about Luka."

He nodded. "Will you come back tomorrow?"

Abby stood up, and sighed. "I just need a little more time."

She walked quickly out of the room.

John lay back on his pillows and closed his eyes, letting a single tear escape.


	3. Chapter 3

Carter sat in bed, trying his best to read his book.

He was so restless, and so bored!

His fever had gone down dramatically in the past 24 hours, and his doctor had said he should be able to go home in a day or two.

He hoped she would be waiting for him, but he knew that was wishful thinking.

Susan and Jing-Mei had looked in to see him earlier that morning.

"Guess what?" said Susan as she burst through the doors, her face glowing with excitement.

Carter looked up. "Hi Susan, Hi Deb" he said, not very enthusiastically.

"Carter, who many times have I told you to call me Jing-Mei" Jing-Mei teased, though not really being angry with Carter.

"Sorry" said Carter. "Can't kick the habit. You'll always be little Deb to me" he said smiling affectionately.

"Yeah, Yeah" Said Susan. "Stop bickering, you two. Don't you wanna know my news?"

Jing-Mei glared at Susan. "She's pregnant, Carter" she said in a dead-pan voice.

"JING-MEI" screeched Susan.

"Wow, that's great Susan. Congrats" he said as he pulled her into a hug, but he didn't look too pleased.

"What's up Carter?" she said noticing his hesitance.

He shrugged.

"Come on, I can read you like a book. I know when something's up."

He chuckled a little. "It's Abby" he said simply.

"Oh, Carter. What have you done now?"

He glared at her. Why did she think that he was in the wrong? "I left. She called me but I still left."

"Oh." An awkward silence followed. Jing-Mei was the first to break it. "Maybe she just needs some time" she suggested.

"It's been a week" said Carter grumpily.

"She'll come around. Don't worry."

"Yeah, I hope so." He paused for a moment, and then said "I told her I still love her, and she just looked at me like she didn't believe me. I mean, I know I've hurt her, but now she's hurting me." he stopped as tears started to pour from his eyes.

"I just needed time" said Abby, appearing as if from nowhere. Susan and Jing-Mei melted away, as if they had never been there.

Abby ran to Carter and put her hands on his face. "I guess, I just needed to know that you really loved me, and weren't just feeling guilty or whatever."

Carter took hold of her hand. "Oh Abby, I love you, I've never stopped loving you. I don't want to lose you again. I'll never leave you again...I love you so much Abby."

They kissed passionately.


	4. Chapter 4

"How are you today, my beautiful boyfriend?" asked Abby as she came sailing through the doors.

"All the better for seeing you, my gorgeous girlfriend" said Carter with a huge grin on his face.

Abby came and sat on his bed and gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I was thinking about taking you out for a walk today, what do you think?"

"I don't know, Abby" Carter hesitated. I don't think I'm strong enough yet"

"We'd take a wheelchair and an oxygen tank just in case. Come on John, don't be such a wet blanket."

Carter decided to go. "If it will shut you up."

Abby punched him playfully on the arm

they had been outside for ten minutes – Carter in his wheelchair with Abby pushing him, happily talking about their future – when a tall man with dark hair came up to them.

"Hello, Dr Carter "

Abby stopped pushing him, and they both looked up at the man.

"Luka?" They both gasped.

Luka ignored Abby, and shook Carter's hand. "How are you, John?"

Carter shrugged. "I've been better. It's great to see you. You look well. When did you get back?"

"Two days ago. Listen, I better get going. My shift doesn't start for a few hours, but I want to talk to Kerry first. Do you want to get coffee later?"

"Yeah, sure. That'd be great. I can't guarantee I'll be awake though" Carter joked.

"Don't worry about it. I'll come and check on you later. See you, Carter. Goodbye Nurse Lockhart."

Abby could have screamed. Luka had never called her Nurse Lockhart.

Before Carter could stop her, Abby had marched up to Luka.

"Excuse me?" He whirled around. "May I ask why you are so pissed with me?" asked Abby angrily.

"Well" said Luka, hands on hips. "Ever since you've been going out with Carter, you and I have been drifting further apart. It's like you don't even notice me. We never talk anymore. I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine. Goodbye Abby." And with that, he walked away.

Abby stood there stunned. Carter wheeled up to her.

"What was that about?" He saw there were tears in her eyes. "Are you ok, babe?"

"I'm fine." Said Abby, furiously wiping her eyes. "Let's get you back to your room. It's getting dark."

When Carter was safely back in his room, Abby got to thinking.

I don't love Luka anymore, so why am I crying over him?

i DO love CARTER no matter what anyone else says. So why do I feel so strongly about Luka. I need help...I'm so confused.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Abby got home that night, her decision was made. She knew who she loved.

It was Carter.

It would always be Carter.

Sweet, kind, loving and generous John Truman Carter.

She had always loved him. Even when she was with Luka, she had always felt a close connection with Carter. It would always be him ... she loved him.

Just then, the phone rang, it was Carter.

"Carter! I was just thinking about you. I'm sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. I had some things to think through."

"It's ok Abby" said Carter cheerfully. "I was just phoning to tell you that I'm being discharged tomorrow, and I wonder if you could come and pick me up around 10?"

"That's great! Yeah, I'll be there."

"Thanks Abby. I love you so much."

Abby grinned into the phone, "I love you too John. Goodnight."

"'Night."

The two young lovers hung up. Each with a glow in their hearts.


	6. Chapter 6

2 weeks later, and Carter could be found at Abby's apartment preparing himself for his first day back at work.

"Does this tie look alright?" he asked Abby, holding the tie up against his shirt.

"Yes, John, it looks fine." Abby laughed. "Don't worry, Weaver won't kill you on your first day back..."

"I know, I know. I just don't think she's very happy with the way I left.

Abby kissed him. "You'll be fine."

He smirked at her.

"I'd better be going. Don't want to be late. See you tonight" and with that he kissed her, grabbed his car keys and ran out the door.

Abby had the day off, so Carter walked through the ambulance bay doors alone.

Immediately, He was met by a cluster of nurses who all hugged him, welcomed him back and commented on how well he was looking.

"Thank you, it's great to be back" he announced and they dispersed.

"Welcome back, John" said Kerry Weaver, popping her head out of the lounge room door. "Can you come in here a minute? I need to talk to you."

Carter followed her into the lounge, an ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Kerry, i'm sorry about going to Africa and not telling you about it, but –"

"I don't care about that" Kerry interrupted him. "I'm just glad you're safe. I actually wanted to talk to you about your position here."

"Oh" was all Carter could say.

"As you know, you're chief residency is only supposed to last a minimum of two years, unless I or the other attending think you shouldn't progress."

"Yeah" said Carter slowly. He was sensing a "but" – maybe Kerry thought he was doing such a bad job that she wanted to take the chief residency away from him.

"However, you have shown remarkable progress. So from here onward John Carter, you will be an attending.

"Wow. I don't know what to say Kerry. Thank you so much."

Kerry beamed. "You're welcome. Make me proud."

Carter left the room quickly and went to phone Abby, before his shift began.


	7. Chapter 7

"Abby, I'm home" Carter yelled from the kitchen. he was absolutely exhausted. Being an Attending was harder than it looked. he had spent the day being introduced to new interns and med students. the med studens were all eager beavers. they were so keen to learn, it was irritating. they followed him around all day like puppies and asked him annoying questions that he was sure they knew the answers to. Carter had to concede, though, that he was probably like that with Benton. the interns were a different story. they were so cocky and thought they knew everything there was to know about medicine. Carter had to keep a very close eye on them and make they didn't make any terrible mistakes.

Carter got himself a can of soda from the fridge and flopped on the couch in the living room. Abby came in and saw how tired Carter looked.

"Rough shift" she asked softly.

Carter nodded and yawned widely. "What do you want to do tonight?"

"I don't know" said Abby, chuckling sofly. /"But I think you do, you look half asleep".

"Yeah" Carter nodded. "I think I might just hread off to bed if thats ok with you"

"Of course" said Abbhy, leaning down to give him a kiss. "Goodnight my angel"

Carter smiled "I love you"

"I love you too"

Carter walked off towards the bedroom he and Abby shared sometimes. A minute later he was back in theliving room.

"I've just realised~" he said to Abby "you haven't asked me to stay tonight".

"Do you want to stay tonight?" questioned Abby.

Carter thought for a moment. "yeah" he said "i don't actually like going home anymore. Ever since Gamma died, that house seems so big and empty, and I miss you when you're not there".

Abby smiled at his last statement. "I miss you too. Look John, I know we've only been back together for two weeks but it feel so right, why don't we just move in together."

Carter looked taken aback. "Really?" he asked, and when Abby nodded, he gave her a big kiss and a hug.

They walked hand-in-hand to the bedroom, and shut the door.

"I'm gonna make all of your dreams comes true, John Carter" said Abby seductively, taking he blouse off and laying down on the bed.

"God, I hope so" said Carter, doing the same.

And, all thoughts of tiredness forgotten, they laid down and made passionate love.


End file.
